


I Don't Love You Enough To Write You A Love Song

by crollyne



Series: Bloom [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - College/University, Cute Yachi Hitoka, M/M, Mentioned Kozume Kenma, Mentioned Sawamura Daichi, Mentioned Sugawara Koushi, Mentioned Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Multi, Musician Kuroo Tetsurou, Protective Sugawara Koushi, They're all friends, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28496073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crollyne/pseuds/crollyne
Summary: part 1 of 2don't fall for lost boys when you're just as lost as they are.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Bloom [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075244
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	I Don't Love You Enough To Write You A Love Song

**Author's Note:**

> The date the story was started, finished, and posted is not of any importance to the plot but will still be stated, however, the timestamps mentioned in the stories are relevant and is key to understanding what actually happened. Reading this story in random order is alright but since I arranged it in a way that would be make understanding the timeline easier, I suggest you read it from the beginning. This is the eight story of a 14-part series and now I will stop babbling. I hope you enjoy!

**Started: 11/7/20**

**Finished: 11/22/20**

* * *

“Come on, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi pleaded, stepping in front of his tall friend, preventing him from stepping another foot forward. It’s Saturday and their classes happen to end at the same time.

“No,” Tsukishima answered, not even bothering to look at his childhood friend.

Yamaguchi frowned and stood his ground. “Sugawara-san, Daichi-san and Tanaka-san are expecting us. Bokuto-san and Akaashi-kun might go, too. They even invited Hinata, Kageyama, and Yachi! It’s going to be a mini reunion!” he reasoned with his best friend. He knows how hard it is to convince him to go socialize with other people. “We haven’t seen them in almost a month, Tsukki. Can you please go?”

Especially in places like bars.

There’s just something about places like that he deems very…useless, for the lack of a better word.

“I already told you I have to rewrite my notes tonight. I’m not going,” he stepped to the smaller male’s side which earned him a frown.

“Midterms are three weeks away, why not try and relax a bit?”

“No,”

“I will be the one writing your notes for a week,”

“I remember the lessons better if I write them on my own,”

“Ugh, fine,” Yamaguchi said as he caught up with Tsukishima. The blond haired male stuffed his hands in his pockets and waited for his friend to match his pace.

“I don’t really want to do this because I’m saving for something but fine,” Yamaguchi started which caught Tsukishima’s attention. “Drinks on me tonight if you come,” he said in one breath.

Tsukishima paused in his tracks and contemplated his answer. Yamaguchi is serious whenever he saves for something he wants.

“Okay fine,” he answered, looking away from his best friend.

“But I’m only staying until 11.”

* * *

“OI! YAMAGUCHI MANAGED TO DRAG THE RECLUSIVE KEI!” Tanaka yelled, cheeks ruddy and waving an already empty glass of what he assumes is cheap beer, when Yamaguchi and Tsukishima approached the round table. The taller male breathed an unnoticeable sigh of relief when he realized that they picked a place a little bit on the corner, away from the sex-hungry and dirty dancing people on the dancefloor.

He doesn’t fit in places like these. His best friend had told him so many times that he should get clothes that won’t make him look like an overly religious college student that would cry whenever they get a ‘B’. He wore a black long sleeved turtle neck with brown jeans to at least look a bit decent. He also didn’t want Yamaguchi to tease his style.

“Hey, hey, hey! How are ya doin’ Tsukki boy?” Bokuto yelled loudly, dragging the sound of the letter ‘y’.

“Bokuto-san, please calm down,” Akaashi said, pulling Bokuto back down to sit beside him. Bokuto pouted a little bit.

“That’s so uncool of you, Akaashi,”

_What a kid._

Sugawara gave him a smile and a small wave. He sat beside him because he seems to be the only one still not tipsy or drunk, other than Akaashi who doesn’t drink. Kageyama and Hinata are already giving off some weird sexual tension in between them and it’s making him uncomfortable so Suga is his safest bet.

“Well, I had to force him a bit,” his friend sheepishly said as he took a sit beside Yachi. He suspects they’re dating, really, or maybe they’re just crushing on each other.

 _Such a waste of time._ He thought to himself.

Yamaguchi smiled and talked to her for a bit. He didn’t get to hear their conversation because of the booming loud music. She smiled and giggled because of what he said and all Tsukishima wanted to do is to gag.

_They’re cute together, though._

“Hey, how’s uni?” Sugawara asked, grabbing his attention. “It’s fine,” he answered shortly. “There’s not really much going on,” he said. Suga poured him two fingers of whiskey. “How about you? How’s the new job?” he asked, taking a sip of the copper-colored liquid, the burning of the throat immediately hitting him.

“Just finished a huge flower delivery to a wedding so I’m treating everyone,” he said with a small smile, referencing the people minding their own businesses.

_Oh, Yamaguchi, how stupid of me._

He shot Yamaguchi a glare and he smiled awkwardly and gave him a peace sign. He rolled his eyes and let it pass. Free drinks are still free drinks no matter who’s treating who.

“And I’ve heard its gig night, aspiring musicians and bands get around here to get exposure,” he mentioned, taking a sip of his own drink, the clear liquid glinting the blinking lights. “And they’re really good, in my opinion, that is,” he chuckled.

He just nodded in answer as he realized that the drink in the Suga’s cocktail glass is a dry martini, something strong to start off the night, he assumes. Who knows how long he’s been drinking here? Definitely not Tsukishima.

“Where’s Daichi-san? Yamaguchi mentioned that he would be here,” he said slowly raising his voice above the loud, thumping music, trying to start up a conversation so he wouldn’t seem rude.

“Oh, he went home early, work things, I guess,” he answered, looking at the distance.

He studied his pale brown eyes and looked away. He does not need to ask any more questions.

“May I get everyone’s attention?” someone on the stage called. The music was turned off. His ears have been hurting since he got there, he’s glad the music’s finally gone. God, he hates the party songs bars play.

“Ooh, they might be starting the live performances,” Suga commented from behind Tsukishima. Not that he really cares for some aspiring artist. If they play nicely then that’s cool.

_Well, good for them, I guess._

“My buddy is playing for us tonight, right Akgahashi?” he said, snaking his arms around Akaashi’s waist. “Yes, he is,” he answered shortly. Tsukishima wonders how Akaashi can handle Bokuto. Their personalities are just vastly different. And to note that they’ve been together for 3 years already? He finds it baffling.

Sipping on his whiskey, the ice already diluting the liquid, he watched as a single performer quietly preparing in the dark, the spotlight directed at the person introducing him leaving him in the dark.

Tsukishima checked his watch.

10:46 pm.

He wonders how did the time quickly pass by. It’s just his first drink and it’s almost eleven. Well, they did take a while to arrive there because Yamaguchi insisted on dressing up for some reason.

_Maybe for Yachi._

Actually now that he thought of it, Yamaguchi might be the only straight person in this group. He seems to like Yachi a lot, too. Well, she’s a sweet person so it’s not really a shock.

“Good evening wonderful people,” a deep and rough voice echoes through the room. The murmuring of other people was silenced and everyone’s focus was directed to the center of the stage.

There, under the spotlight, sits a dark haired male, his hair sticking awkwardly in the most random places and yet it looks decent on him, holding onto a brown acoustic guitar with a sign on the side that Tsukishima couldn’t quite make out. Sporting a worn out denim jacket with a plain white shirt with black jeans and a teasing smirk, the tall blond had already deduced that he would be a strung up dude who thinks they’re a hot musician just because they can play a guitar. 

_Not gonna lie, he looks like a rooster._

“That’s my bro Kuroo!” Bokuto exclaimed. “Hoot hoot buddy!” he called, waving his hands violently, Akaashi telling him to sit back down.

_What is that? A mating call or something?_

Bokuto did get his attention because he shot him a lopsided grin and gave him a thumbs up. His eyes met Tsukishima’s, who’s staring at him with a bored expression. The dark haired male held his gaze and Tsukishima was the first one to look away.

_This is why I hate going to places like these. What the fuck was that?_

He grabbed his phone and started scrolling through his twitter feed, trying to distract himself from what happened.

“Hey, everyone. My name is Kuroo Tetsurou and I’m here to sing a song I made for y’all. Hope you like it,” he said to the microphone, the rough edge of his voice echoing around. Tsukishima could only imagine what the girls would’ve been thinking because as much as he hates to admit it, he is, in fact, decent looking.

“It’s called Crush Culture and I hope you all like it,” he said. God, Tsukishima can feel him smirk through his words and it’s annoying him to his core. The soft strumming of the guitar is making him want to bash the instrument to his stupid bedhead.

He doesn’t even know this person yet and all he’s been thinking about are murderous thoughts.

**_“My God don’t look at your phone,_ **

**_No one’s gonna call you,_ **

**_Quit checking your volume,”_ **

He sang in a surprisingly soothing voice that made Tsukishima look up only to see him smirking down at him.

_Fucking bastard._

That Kuroo person better be thankful that Tsukishima was in a good mood a few minutes ago.

**_“I don’t care if I’m forever alone,_ **

**_I’m not falling for you,_ **

**_Cause this baby is loveproof,”_ **

Right as he said this, his phone beeped and he checked to see that his alarm went off, indicating that it’s already eleven and he needs to head back home. He glanced at Yamaguchi, red on the ears and clearly tipsy. He glanced back at the singer to catch him wink at someone from the crowd.

Assumptions: correct.

He scoffed a bit and grabbed his drink, pressing the cold glass up to his lips while watching the rhythmical strumming of the guitar.

_Men these days._

**_I don't care what you're saying_ **

**_I don't wanna participate in your game of manipulation_ **

**_And no I don't want your sympathy, all this love is suffocating_ **

**_Just let me be sad and lonely_ **

This fucker really has the nerve to smirk at him.

**_'Cause_ **

Kuroo licked his lips.

_Okay, maybe I can stay around for a while and how this pans out. Besides, Yamaguchi is a stupid drunk. He’ll get himself killed._

**_Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out_ **

**_I know what you're doing, tryna get me to pursue ya_ **

**_Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out_ **

**_Spill my guts out, spill my guts out_ **

After the song had ended, Kuroo started walking towards their group. Tsukishima prepared for the worst and tried to get in his best possible behavior. He wouldn’t want Sugawara-san to lecture him about good manners in this time of the night.

“Sup,” Kuroo said while doing a loose salute.

“Brooo,” Bokuto said, walking towards him and giving him a fist bump. “How’s the trip?” he asked.

“Oh, it went well. Met someone cool guy there and he might swing by some time,” he answered like a douche. Tsukishima is already irritated and it’s not even two minutes that he’s been in Kei’s 6ft. safe proximity bubble.

“Ooh, by the way, they’re my friends,” Bokuto gestured towards them. “You already know them,”

He nodded as an answer and did another loose salute at Akaashi who only responded with a polite nod.

“So, who’s the new guy?” he asked, looking pointedly at Tsukishima.

“I have told you a lot about him but this is the only time his friend Yamaguchi-kun was able to drag him outside his dorm room,” Bokuto joked.

“Oh, is that true?” he chuckled. “So we got ourselves a recluse here, aye?”

This irked Tsukishima.

“So what’s the pretty recluse’s name?” he asked, leaning forward, his face a few inches away from Kei’s face. He smelled of vodka and axe body spray.

_10/10 would spill my guts out._

“My name is Tsukishima Kei and I’ve heard that you’re the wanna be bad boy who thinks that he can swoon girls just because he has a guitar and a denim jacket,” he smiled sweetly. This fucker is going to be dead soon if only Sugawara’s glare isn’t preventing him from bludgeoning this rooster’s head.

_This whiskey really is making me want to murder someone._

“Ah, Boks, your pretty friend here has a dirty mouth,” Kuroo laughed. He seems unaware of the glare Tsukishima is pointedly giving him.

Pushing his hand in his pocket, he ran his other hand through his hair. “I have another song to play and I’ll have to go,” he informed Bokuto. “Maybe I’ll catch a drink or two next time,” after patting Bokuto’s shoulder, he went back to the dimly lit stage and prepared for the next song.

Tsukishima wasn’t having it, though. So he stood up and prepared to exit the building filled with sex hormones and raging alcoholics with scene kids who snuck in. Maybe he’s overreacting, maybe he’s just pissed. Maybe he’s on his man period? No one knows, really.

“Tsukki, you’re already leaving?” Yamaguchi asked, his cheeks ruddy. He seems to have an oddly fun time with Yachi so he’s guessing he won’t be leaving yet.

“Yeah,” he answered. “Can you catch a ride or do you need me to stay?” he asked his friend. He may seem like an asshole but he’s not going to let his friend be in danger.

“I can drive you back to your dorm, I haven’t drank anything and I’m still sober,” Yachi offered, just as Tsukishima expected.

“Great, cool, I’ll be leaving now,” he said as he walked away quickly. He’s wasted a good thirty minutes of his time staying there when he’s meant to be leaving. He’d hope he wouldn’t see this Kuroo guy ever again, that few minutes of interaction alone is so exhausting.

Outside the bar, the music is still blaring loudly. He feels the vibrations on his feet.

That’s enough social interaction for a week.

The night feels warm. Maybe it’s because of the alcohol and his turtleneck or maybe global warming. Passing the streetlights make him dizzy and his head throbbed at the bright lights. He hoped that the headache won’t continue until tomorrow because he would have to study and start organizing his notes.

He looked at the ground and avoided stepping on the pebbles scattered on the concrete floor. Now that he thought about it, minus the cocky personality, Kuroo’s music sounds really decent. It’s pretty raw and rough on the edges but as he had learned from his friend, Yamaguchi, who is a major in music education, that most first few songs of artists are still very clumsy as though they’re still experimenting. He’s not sure if it’s his first few songs or what but guessing by how he looks, it seems as though he’s still new.

“You thinking about me?” a familiar rough voice asked from beside him. Tsukishima looked at the direction of the voice in shock, pulling him out of his daydream—err his analysis.

Immediately, Kei’s face turned from shocked to pissed and he rolled his eyes, quickly walking away. Kuroo chuckled from behind him and jogged slowly to catch up with him.

“You didn’t answer the question,” he teased, walking beside him, kicking the pebbles on his way. Tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows and he pulled his lips to a thin line.

“I will be very honest,” Tsukishima started. He tried to keep his composition and even gave him a small smile. “Yes, I have been thinking about you,” he stopped walking and faced the rooster head. Kuroo’s smile grew as he said this.

“I really can’t quite get your,” he paused. “god-awful voice in my head, hell, I feel like I would have a headache just thinking about it. Really, maybe you’re the one causing these headaches so please leave me the fuck alone,” Kei ended with a smile. Turning around, he continued walking away.

“Ah, those words were very painful, Tsukishima Kei-kun,” he said, mocking pain in his chest. “Who taught you to run your mouth dirty like that?” he giggled. This man is literally drunk, no doubt about it.

“Me,” he answered shortly, not bothering to have any longer of a conversation with this person. He just chuckled in response and answered a lighthearted ‘okay’ to him as he continued to walk beside him.

It’s been a few minutes and Kuroo is still walking beside him. It irked Kei, for whatever reason.

“Are you following me?” he finally asked after the 6th minute of him walking beside him. Yes, he counted.

“Calm down blondie, I’m not following you, I’m just walking the same path. Don’t think for one second that I’m that into you,” he jested. Tsukishima only stared at him, dumbfounded. “It’s also sad that you’re walking home alone, isn’t it? After all, your best friend seems to be having so much fun with his girlfriend so thank me for keeping you company.”

Humming in acknowledgement of what Kuroo said, Tsukishima turned to a corner and he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t thankful Kuroo didn’t walk the same way.

* * *

He woke up earlier than usual today. He had his usual cup of coffee, had a sandwich and dressed up a bit to go to the library before his afternoon classes. He wore a white hoodie with a dinosaur print at the middle and denim jeans. The walk to the library was short and uneventful because it’s just a few blocks away from his dorm.

The bell hanging on the library door rang as he opened it. The local librarian greeted him. He’s been visiting here almost on a weekly basis. Sometimes he just grabs books to borrow and sometimes he would stay and read on his free time because the room beside him always plays these loud sappy rock or alternative music anytime they’re home.

This time, he went to borrow a couple of books. Maybe he’ll grab a few about linguistic science and etymology and maybe a novel if he thinks there’s time.

He walked with his headphones in his ears to the linguistics and language area of the library and quietly picked out two books. He had sectioned his reviewer to different days so he would have enough time for all lessons and still have rest in between them to read other novels.

He feels like he’s up for some mystery/thriller stories this week. Last week it was mainly about romance but he became uninterested within the first few pages. Yeah sure, guy meets girl. Guy likes girl. Girl likes guy back. They date. Guy meets a new girl, prettier girl. New girl was introduced to girl as his friend. Girl notices different things. Girl find out that guy likes new girl. Girl leaves. Guy dumps new girl because he realizes his feelings for girl. Guy runs after girl and apologizes. It sounds so boring and the only thing he liked was the ending where the girl accepted the apology from the guy but still left him.

_Good for her, really. Fucking powermove._

Once he reached the mystery/thriller section of the library, he frowned. More like scowled.

There, stood the rooster head from yesterday, browsing a book. He has a chemistry textbook on his arms and he seems to be in his own little world. He’s wearing a white shirt, a maroon cardigan and brown pants. The guitar from yesterday is slung on his shoulders.

Tsukishima approached quietly to grab one book and leave. He hoped he wouldn’t notice him and he bit the inside of his cheek. He quickly skimmed through the titles on the books’ spines until he saw a title that interested him and for a second he forgot that the bastard Kuroo stood within a few feet away from him.

“Oh, Tsukki, didn’t see you there,”

_God fucking dammit, just my luck._

He turned slowly, trying to keep a blank expression. He looked at him and saw that annoying smirk plastered on his face. “Didn’t think to find you here,” Tsukishima whispered back, keeping a polite smile and annoyed tone.

“Well, you did. Now that I think of it, maybe you’re the one following me,” he smirked. Oh how much Tsukishima would want to wipe that shitty smile off of his attractive face. “Maybe you do like me?” he giggled a bit.

Tsukishima had to prevent himself from cackling. “I’m sorry,” he said in between laughs. “But the fucking audacity,” he composed himself and showed no emotion in his face.

“Ah, Tsukishima-kun, you wound me,” he said as he placed his hand to his chest and gripped his shirt. Tsukishima only rolled his eyes before he walked away.

“Hey, hey, wait for me, let’s check these books out together,” he said. Oddly, Tsukishima waited for him and stopped in his tracks. After they have logged their names on the logbook, they walked out together, again, it’s odd. Maybe the romance novel cursed him.

It was a cold morning. After all, it was almost autumn. Beside Tsukishima, Kuroo hummed a quiet tune to himself, kicking the pebbles on his path. The tune really sounded wonderful. It sounds a bit indie or alternative.

“Hey, Tsukishima-kun,” Kuroo called after minutes of silence.

“Tsukishima is fine,”

“Ah, Tsukishima,” Kuroo corrected. “Can I make you listen to something I made last night? It’s still unfinished but any comments would be appreciated,”

For whatever reason, Kei had a weird inkling to agree. He nodded and Kuroo’s eyes immediately lit up. “Great, that’s great,” he said as he led the blond male to a nearby bench near a vending machine.

“It’s still short and I was drunk but please don’t be too harsh on me.” He pulled out his phone and pressed a couple of buttons on it. After a few seconds, Tsukishima’s phone beeped.

“How did you get my number?” he asked, checking his notifications. There was a link sent from an unknown number.

“Got it from your drunk best friend,” he chuckled.

_I swear Yamaguchi would one day probably get me killed._

There was an attachment with a text that said hi and heart emojis. Disgusting, if you would ask Kei. Despite that, he downloaded it on his phone so he could listen to it. It was entitled as ‘draft 3:19am’ and is a minute long.

He put on his headphones so he would be able to hear it properly. There was nothing in the first few seconds and at the 3-second mark, Kuroo’s rough but soothing voice played along with a slow guitar accompaniment. You can hear it in his voice that he’s still a bit tipsy but still, the quality of his voice never faltered. Yes, there were cracks here and there but that just made the music so raw and real. The lyrics are decent, as well. It seems like he’s longing for someone, in Tsukishima’s opinion.

The song ended as quickly as it started. He wouldn’t lie and say that he would want to hear its full version because it sounds really…wonderful, for the lack of a better word. His voice captured his interest, though. It seems so sad and Tsukishima did see so much potential for him.

“How is it?” Kuroo asked, placing a can of cold coffee beside Tsukishima on the bench.

“Decent,” he answered. “A bit rough but otherwise it’s nice,” he said truthfully. “I’m a bit shocked by your song writing techniques but you’re good.”

“Thanks,” he chuckled. “I got a passing grade from Tsukishima Kei?” He opened his can of soda and took a big gulp from it. “Love to hear it,”

* * *

Many boring months passed. Tsukishima was glad that he wasn’t able to see Kuroo for two to three months. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to escape the constant texting and calling from him every single day. He said once in passing that he travels to different places most of the time to sing in different gigs and open mic nights in bars and it’s really a good and smart way to have exposure.

It was a Saturday and he has only two afternoon classes today but he still woke up just as early as any normal morning. His body clock was already set to wake up that early. He did his usual routine, fixing his bed, fixing his notes and textbooks on his desk from last night, and making his usual coffee and sandwich while checking his messages and notifications. Of course, the room beside him is already playing the usual sappy indie songs on a speaker, seemingly ignoring the fact that this dorm has paper thin walls.

He opened the curtains to let natural light in to try and seem to be not too much of a recluse. Whenever his best friend comes over he would complain about how he never opens his windows. It’s not that he’s a recluse, his window just happened to be placed where the sun directly shines and it gets annoying because he’s not planning to photosynthesize anytime soon.

Weirdly, there was no good morning texts from Kuroo. He’s not saying he’s not glad the bastard finally left him alone, but it was just weird. He checked his phone many times while he was finishing his sandwich, but no Kuroo.

Right when he was about to start cleaning his room, he heard three knocks on the door. “Ah, for fucks sake, what is Yamaguchi doing here early in the morning? Doesn’t he have classes?” he asked himself. His good friend’s Saturday classes are usually early in the morning which sucks for him because more often than not, he’s hungover every Saturday morning. It doesn’t seem like it because he looks like a good student with a 4.0 GPA, well he is, but he loves to fuck up his liver every Friday.

“Coming,” he said as he opened the door. There, he was faced with Kuroo leaning on his door way.

“Sup,” he greeted, as he looked up from his phone.

Tsukishima’s day just got ruined within two seconds.

“I’m now convinced you’re a stalker,” he said without missing a beat. Kuroo only laughed and placed his phone in his pocket.

“I am not, your best friend just has a big mouth,” he chuckled. Ah, Yamaguchi. First, his number, next his address, what’s next, his hometown?

“Anyway, why are you here?” he crossed his arms on his chest and rested his weight on his right leg. He doesn’t have time for his bullshit. “I have things to do so please make it quick,” he added.

“Damn, okay.” He raised his hands up in front of him in defense. “I just arrived from a trip and I was hoping you’d come to another gig. The other people disagreed because they had something to do but, I wanted to introduce you to a friend I met during the trip,”

“Why would I do that?”

Kuroo pouted at that response. “Aww, please, I thought we were getting along,” he said. “Please, please, I just wanted you to hear my new song,” he added. True, Tsukishima would want to hear whatever he wants to show them, but he couldn’t stay any later than 12 since he’s planning to study for finals.

“I would go but I’m going back before 12. I have finals next week,” he said, sighing. It would suck to lose a couple of hours sleep but the way Kuroo’s eyes lit up by those few words seems to make up for it.

“I’ll pick you up later at 9, okay? Bye,” he said as he jogged down the hallways and disappeared when he turned a right.

_Ah, fucking hell._

* * *

For whatever reason, Kei’s dresser seems to be of no help to him. Nothing he have seems to be wearable for the occasion. The occasion in question is a simple open mic night at a mini bar downtown so he wonders why he’s so stressed about this.

Should he dress up or should he dress down? He wouldn’t want to seem like he’s trying to impress him but it would be rude if he showed up like a slob, after all, he’s meeting with a friend of Kuroo’s.

He sounds like a teenage girl going on her first date.

“You know what, who cares,” he said as he grabbed his favorite black long sleeved shirt with marigolds printed on the front and denim pants. It’s best to look somehow decent but not too, too decent. Or however that works. He did spray himself with bit of a not too overpowering perfume he has that Yamaguchi’s mom gifted him two years ago. Since it is not in his best interest to go and socialize with people or even slightly try to put effort on how he looks in most days, the bottle is still half empty. Of course, he didn’t forget to bring with him his headphones. It would be enough to ward annoying people and boredom.

Now all that’s left is to wait. He decided to continue reading another romance novel he picked up from the library a few days ago. When would he learn that these romance novels aren’t his type. It’s getting tiring to be reading the same love-struck young adults but, nonetheless, he is still reading it. There isn’t much he could do, really.

He’ll be lying if he said that the book is bad because it is not. Just relatively cheesy and pictures a love that’s unattainable but that’s just from the perspective of someone who only ever had flings here and there and nothing more. He just couldn’t find why people would give so much time for a relationship that they’re not sure would last. But then again, one wouldn’t know unless one tries.

It was already five minutes past nine when a knock on his door was heard. He’s pretty pissed but it would seem rude of him to berate him for such reasons.

“Hey,” Kuroo greeted, seemingly out of breath.

“Hey,” Tsukishima returned as he stepped out of his dorm. He made sure to lock it even though doors in this dorm is easy to break into.

Kuroo took time to catch his breath before catching up with Tsukishima. He was wearing a simple gray button up shirt with a black jacket on top and some worn out jeans. It was the right decision to dress down a bit.

“So,” Kuroo started. “I told my friend that I’ll pick him up but their bus broke down and the next bus would arrive tomorrow morning so he wouldn’t be able to come.” Tsukishima only nodded in agreement. “So I guess you’re stuck with me,” he shrugged.

“Boohoo, lucky me I guess,” Tsukishima said, every word dripping with sarcasm. He kept his eyes forward, trying to remember every path they took so that when he has to come back home alone, he wouldn’t be lost.

“Don’t worry if you’re unfamiliar with the place, I’ll walk you home,” he flashed him his familiar smirk. Kei couldn’t hold himself from rolling his eyes.

“I’m trying to remember the directions so I can go back home whenever I’m ready to ditch you,” he blatantly told him.

“You wouldn’t do that,” Kuroo countered with a teasing tone in his voice and a playful look in his eyes. Kei squinted at him, two seconds away from sucker punching this bastard.

“How are you so sure?”

“I just feel like you wouldn’t,” he shrugged, lazily swinging his hands on his side.

* * *

Once they sat on a booth near the bartenders and the small stage lit by warm lights, Kuroo ordered them drinks. He seems to know the bartender very well because he just told him drinks for two and the bartender already started mixing the beverages. Is Kei going to be drugged tonight? He wasn’t so sure. “Tonight’s on me. I’d feel bad to make you pay when I dragged you all the way here,”

“So, you’re going to perform tonight?” Tsukishima asked out of politeness. His response was a hum as he took a sip of the drinks the bartender slid across the table.

“Yeah, it’s a new song I made. I’m first on the line of performers so I can take you back early,” he casually answered.

“Is it the one you made me listen to?”

“Nope, I made a new one,” he chuckled. Tsukishima only shook his head and rested his arm on the counter as Kuroo downed his cocktail.

Tsukishima looked at the drink suspiciously, eyeing Kuroo and the drink.

“It’s vodka gimlet, if you’re wondering,” a different male voice spoke from behind him. “And no, there’s no drugs there,” he laughed. “This man might look like a druggie but he’s not, really.” It was the bartender. He has spiky brown hair and tanned skin. “I guess,” he added with a wink.

“Iwaizumi, you don’t have to say that to everyone I bring here. You’re scaring them away,” he jested. The other male only laughed as a response.

“I’ll leave you two to it,”

That either implies that there are many other people that Kuroo brought in this bar or they just have a weird sense of humor. In either case, Kei felt safe to drink the alcohol in front of him.

A man dressed in all black gestured to Kuroo from the side of the stage. He nodded his way and got his guitar ready.

“Looks like it’s starting,” he said. His eyes had a weird sparkle to it and his grip tightened on the guitar. He really seems to be very passionate about his music. “Cheer for me,” he winked and walked up the stage.

“Hey, everyone,” he started. He made his voice loud and clear as though there was no hint of shyness and cower. He came up the stage to perform, it’s what his aura is giving off.

“I’m Kuroo Tetsurou. I will be singing a song I made. Enjoy,”

He took a few deep breaths and winked at Tsukishima. He only did roll his eyes.

**_“I don't really give a damn about the way you touch me_ **

Immediately, everyone roared in applause. He got into it the moment his fingers touched the strings. The first line gave off really strong vibes and the quick strumming of the guitar quickly calmed to slow strums. Even Tsukishima was surprised. He had heard this person perform two times now and still, he’s amused.

_**When we're alone** _

Oh, Tsukishima could not explain well with words how enthralling he looks with those warm orange lights on him.

**_You can hold my hand_ **

**_If no one's home_ **

**_Do you like it when I'm away?_ **

Everyone looked at him with wonder in their eyes. Tsukishima can feel his passion from the stage down to where he is sitting. To say that he’s amazed would be an understatement.

**_If I went and hurt my body, baby_ **

**_Would you love me the same?_ **

**_I can feel all my bones coming back_ **

**_And I'm craving motion_ **

**_Mama never really learns how to live by herself_ **

It’s a wonder how he can sing those quick lines without feeling breathless and still play the guitar effortlessly.

**_It's a curse_ **

**_And it's growing_ **

**_You're a pond and I'm an ocean_ **

**_Oh, all my emotions_ **

Tsukishima’s eyes widened as did everyone else. He knew he was very talented yet he kept on shocking him every time he performs. He watched as Kuroo looked around the crowd and for a split second he saw someone vulnerable. He sings as if he belongs right there at the stage but Tsukishima feels that his insecurities are still bothering him.

_**Feel like explosions when you are around** _

_**And I've found a way to kill the sounds, oh** _

_**Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you** _

_**I need you here to stay** _

Their eyes met and Tsukishima looked away. He took a sip of his drink and Kuroo wanted to laugh. He kept his eyes trained on his figure and waited if he would look at him once more.

**_I broke all my bones that day I found you_ **

**_Crying at the lake_ **

**_Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh_ **

**_And if I could take it all back_ **

**_I swear that I would pull you from the tide_ **

**_Darling, when I'm fast asleep_ **

**_I've seen this person watching me_ **

**_Saying, "Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?"_ **

Finally, Kuroo got Tsukishima to glance at him. He raised his eyebrow at him and smirked to annoy him. He chuckled quietly and kept his gaze on him, smiling slightly.

**_Because there is something, and there is nothing_ **

**_There is nothing in between_ **

**_And in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer_ **

**_Watching over me, he's singing_ **

**_"She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a boy"_ **

**_He's singing, "She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook"_ **

Kei felt weird staring at him but the vodka made his head buzz and he’s not thinking straight, well, he isn’t, but that’s not the point. It seems like they’re having a weird conversation and Tsukishima was the first one to break their eye contact. He couldn’t help but laugh at how stupid this is. He downed his drink and shook his head to himself. Yup, definitely tipsy.

**_Baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you_ **

**_I need you here to stay_ **

**_I broke all my bones that day I found you_ **

**_Crying at the lake_ **

**_Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden, oh_ **

**_And if I could take it all back_ **

**_I swear that I would pull you from the tide”_ **

The song ended and the lights turned off right after the strumming of the guitar stopped. Everyone burst to applause once more and Tsukishima could clearly see the proud and satisfied smile on his face. The same person who called him up the stage approached him and whispered something to Kuroo. His face clearly lit up and walked toward Tsukishima with a broad smile on his face. Kei still felt a bit embarrassed about the eye contact situation that happened mere seconds ago.

“They wanted me to perform for them every open mic night,” he said, sitting down on the round chairs. “Haj, two beers please,” he called and Iwaizumi just nodded as he grabbed two glasses and two cold bottles.

He set the two big glasses on top of the counter and he went back to talking to a brown haired male with fair skin at the end of the table.

One or too many beer bottles later but time quickly passed and it was already 11:47. Kuroo offered to walk him back home already because he’s still alert. Any longer there, he would be too wasted to properly take Kei home without getting lost himself.

“Y’know, you were cool back there,” Tsukishima said, cheeks ruddy and patting Kuroo’s shoulder.

“Thanks, love to hear it,” he answered.

The two tall men are clearly drunk. Not too drunk out of their asses but at least drunk enough to be stupid idiots walking down a gravel path. They passed a couple of benches and street lights along the way. It was a dark and cold night but the alcohol in their system kept them warm. The moon shone brightly but the stars are barely visible.

The walk back home was silent with the occasional kicking of pebbles and the Kuroo’s quiet hum to random tune. Tsukishima listened to the slow tune he’s humming. It seems as though he’s making a song right then and there.

Once the pair reached Tsukishima’s dorm, he made sure to walk Tsukishima back to his room. He watched as the blond fiddled with his keys, both still not speaking a word.

“Good night,” Kei said once he unlocked the door.

“You’re really cute, Tsukishima,” Kuroo blurted.

“That’s not the correct response to ‘good night’,” he said slowly.

“Well, then what’s the correct response?” he asked, placing his hand on the wall, his voice low and throaty.

Tsukishima took a step back and was met with a wall, like all those cliché love stories he read. “Good night is the correct response,”

“Good night, then,” Kuroo said as he closed the space in between their lips. Stupid and drunk Tsukishima closed his eyes and leaned in.

Stupid and drunk Tsukishima realized his mouth tasted of vodka.

* * *

It’s not that drunk Tsukishima is stupid, but he is.

And sober Tsukishima ends up regretting every single life decision of drunk Tsukishima.

Kissing Kuroo when they’re both drunk off their asses is such a horrible thing to do. First, Kei is now feeling attached to him just because of that one kiss. A kiss that he isn’t even sure has any meaning to Kuroo, hell, he’s not even sure if he can remember anything that happened that night.

So, in order to somehow cope with whatever that happened THAT night, he has not left his room for anything else other than his classes. Yamaguchi has been noticing his weird behaviors but he just chalked it up to the upcoming finals.

Tonight’s a lonely night. Everyone is busy studying for finals and he barely has anytime for other recreational activities. The book he had borrowed from the week before is still sitting on his desk, untouched. He didn’t like it anyway, so he decided to just return it tomorrow.

Staring at the Linguistics Anthropology book, the words slowly start to turn to mush. Grabbing another cup of coffee, he pushed through finishing his notes since he’s been doing this for about two hours now but he still needs to go through three more topics before he’s done for the day.

His headphones are on and he’s blasting music on the highest volume. The music from the other room is distracting him so bad that he had to drown it out or else nothing would process in his head.

His phone vibrated signaling him that there is a notification. He first finished transferring a page before he turned his phone on to check. There were five messages from Kuroo and a missed call. He stared at it for a couple of seconds before deciding to open the messages.

I’m at your door

Please can we talk?

This is so stupid,,, I haven’t seen you almost all week.

Listen, I’m so sorry

Are you mad at me?

**MISSED CALL 12:52**

He checked the time and it’s already 1:15 in the morning. Sighing, he stood up from his desk and walked towards the door. He probably went home already. He opened it and Kuroo fell inside on his back. He was sitting down and leaning on the door.

“That’s dangerous, just so you know,” Tsukishima told him, looking down. Kuroo layed down in shock. He blinked a couple of times and stayed in his position. “I will step on you,” he added, emphasizing every word. Kuroo then sat up from his position and Tsukishima only stared as he stood up. His guitar and a few marigolds on the floor and he picked them up as well. Kei waited silently as Kuroo dusted himself up.

“Hey,” Kuroo started.

Tsukishima only raised his eyebrow and waited.

“Uhm, can we talk?” he asked.

Tsukishima blinked for a couple of times and sighed. “What about? And make it quick.”

Kuroo frowned slightly, he looked down and held the stems of the marigolds tightly. “I just feel like you would think I don’t mean what I did that night. I feel like you would see that as a stupid thing I did when drunk. But that’s not it, really, believe me,” he started. “So here, I got you marigolds. I don’t know if you’d like them or not but I just guessed it by what you wore,”

He handed Tsukishima the flowers, some of its petals have fallen off. “That kiss,” he trailed off. “It was genuine,”

Kei only stared at the flowers he held in front of him and debated his decisions.

“It’s late, would you like to come in?”

* * *

Finally, the last batch of exams during finals were finished today. The autumn has come and it’s already starting to feel cold. Afternoons are still a bit warm but the trees’ leaves are slowly turning orange and brown. It gave a cool tone to everything and the grayish sky complemented the color very well.

Tsukishima walked out of the gates of the university. He’s planning to walk back to his place and rest for a bit and since he doesn’t have anything to do today, he might drop by the library later. Other classes are still on going and a few students are just coming in for their finals. He noticed a couple of familiar faces but he just walked past them or nodded in their direction, he didn’t really bother to greet them, he wants coffee and rest.

Linguistics anthropology is such an interesting subject but his head is already hurting from all those memorizations.

“Finals are over?” a voice spoke as soon as he passed the gates of the university. He glanced to the direction of the voice and saw Kuroo leaning on the wall with a plastic bag hanging on his fingers, his guitar resting on the concrete floor.

“Yeah,” he answered. “What brings you here?”

Pushing himself up from the wall he’s leaning on, he walked towards Tsukishima with a grin on his face. “Thought I’d come see you,” he shrugged, reaching inside the plastic bag and retrieving a cup. “And I brought you coffee.”

Tsukishima only stared at it suspiciously.

“Oh, come on, I thought we have already established the fact that I won’t poison you,” he exasperatedly said.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes with a small smile on his face. “I was kidding,” he mumbled but Kuroo still pouted like a child.

“Fine, fine, I’ll drink it.” Snatching it from the dark haired male’s hands, he sipped it and immediately, the bitterness of it hit him. His eyebrows furrowed and Kuroo clearly noticed it. “It’s a bit too bitter for me, but it’s fine,” he commented, pursing his lips.

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t know what to order so I bought you what first came to mind,” he sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. “You could just throw it if you don’t want it,”

“It’s fine,” Tsukishima cut him off. “It would be too much of a waste of money if I were to throw it away,” he added. It is true, Kei wouldn’t want to waste Kuroo’s precious money but he also wouldn’t want him to feel bad for getting his preferences wrong.

“Alright, if you say so. Let’s go, I’ll walk you home,” he said as he slung his guitar up in his shoulders and the both of them proceeded to walk back to Kei’s dorm. Kuroo flashed Tsukishima a grin and the blond couldn’t help himself from rolling his eyes with a small smile.

“Oh, and by the way,” Kuroo started. “I haven’t told you about the person I met when I was in Osaka, right?” he asked with his hands in his pockets.

“You haven’t,” he shook his head. “I would want to hear about it, though,”

“Really?” Kuroo exclaimed like a child given candy. Tsukishima only nodded and gave him a small smile.

“Go ahead,”

“Well, I was in a bus on the way to Osaka. Well, I did go on a detour to Kyoto before going to Osaka but yeah,” Tsukishima opened his mouth to speak. “And yes I know I should have just taken the train because it us much cheaper but it lets me be able to scout the area more, okay?” he countered without Tsukishima even saying anything.

“Sure, whatever you say,” the blond male rolled his eyes and chuckled.

“So, yeah, I met someone there and he’s so cool and he likes video games and he travels a lot. He was on the way to Kyoto to find a place for the week and I’m just amazed at that. He mentioned that he just felt like he wanted to go to anywhere for a change. Like, I would also want to stand up and randomly decide I’m going to go around Japan for whatever reason,” he rambled.

Tsukishima listened quietly and nodded here and there to let him know he was listening to him. His eyes sparkled and reflected the calm light of the sun and his hair flowed along with the breeze. Tsukishima only gazed in wonder at Kuroo but for some reason Tsukishima felt his gut churn.

* * *

It was early in the morning and Tsukishima is just fixing the things he need for his classes later when he heard three knocks on the door. He wonders what would Yamaguchi need this early since he usually wakes up late.

“Coming,”

Opening the door, he’s greeted once more by the dark haired male leaning on his doorway, checking his phone. “Kuroo? What are you doing here?”

“Hey,” he greeted. “Good morning,” he said, raising a plastic bag from the coffee shop down the street. “Hope I got what you want right this time.” He smiled.

Shaking his head, Kei stepped aside and let Kuroo in.

“Would you want anything to eat?” he asked, glancing at Kuroo on his bed who’s smiling at his phone, typing away. Tsukishima squinted and frowned a bit. He didn’t want to repeat himself.

“Wait, I’m sorry, what?” he asked, looking up, that smile still evident on his face. Tsukishima shook his head and mumbled a quiet ‘nothing’ though it seems as though Kuroo didn’t even hear him. It’s early in the morning and Tsukishima is already pissed.

The moment Tsukishima decided to sit beside Kuroo on his twin sized bed did the dark haired male decide to put his phone away. It felt rude to Kei. But who is he to assume? It’s not like he has the right to ask.

“Here’s your coffee,” Kuroo started as he fished for a paper cup in the plastic bag. “I think I got this one right, this time,” he added, repeating what he said earlier as if he wasn’t entirely present. Tsukishima didn’t complain, though. How could he complain when there really isn’t nothing going on between them. Maybe, there is, however, nothing is really official.

Quietly taking a sip, Tsukishima was met with something sweet. It wasn’t the same as before but it was still quite strong. Since he’s never been very fond with bitter coffees, the sweetness from what he thinks is almond milk fits his taste perfectly. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he answered shortly. He’s still quite a bit pissed but he just tries to keep his face emotionless.

“So,” Kuroo started, still completely unaware of what he did. “Are you free tonight? I already invited the others for a simple night out. The friend I was talking about would definitely be there,” he said, sipping his own coffee.

“Okay,” was all he said. He didn’t really feel like he should say anything more especially when he’s royally pissed. He brought his hands down to rest on the surface of the bed but Kuroo’s hand was already there and he accidentally touched the back of his palm. “I’m sorry,” he said in passing.

Kuroo took this as a chance to grab Tsukishima’s hand. He intertwined it with his with a cheeky grin, staring down at Tsukishima. The blond felt warmth on his face but he didn’t pull back from his grasp nor did he held his hand. It’s only Kuroo holding it. Squinting at him, Kei raised his brow to question what this bastard is planning to do.

Kuroo only laughed, ruffling his own hair a bit. “Why do you always look at me like I’m about to hurt you?” he asked. He turned his head a bit to look at Kei.

_Because my instincts say that you will._

“I don’t. I just look at everyone that way,” is what he says instead. He pushed his glasses up while Kuroo laughed. The dark haired male examined his hands and played with his fingers while Tsukishima just stared.

_I swear this dude will be the death of me._

“Hey, you have such long fingers,” Kuroo stated out of the blue. Tsukishima eyed him weirdly.

“You’d fit playing a guitar or a piano,” he commented. He reached for his wooden guitar and placed it on Tsukishima’s lap. “Try it,” he ushered.

“No thanks,” he pushed the guitar away from him but he didn’t budge. The blond didn’t want to push with too much force on the guitar because he’s afraid he might break it and he can understand it very clearly that this instrument means so much to Kuroo. “I don’t know how to play a guitar,”

“Fine, then I’ll guide you.” Immediately after saying this, he grabbed Tsukishima’s waist and pulled him towards him. He positioned him in a way so Tsukishima is directly in front of him. “Damn, you’re so light. You should eat more,” he commented, his breath fanning on the other male’s ear.

“Keep my weight off your business,” Tsukishima said with a sigh. Kuroo only laughed.

He held both of Tsukishima’s hands and guided it to the strings. “Hold your fingers there,” he positioned his fingers so it’s pressing tightly on the strings to make up the C chord and he held his other arm’s wrist so that he could guide his strumming.

“Keep pressing on the strings and then follow this,” he started before moving Tsukishima’s wrist. “Down, down, down, up, down, down, up, down, down, up,”

“Now, you try.” He did as Kuroo told him to do and followed the same pattern as he said before but, this time, Kuroo let go of his wrist and moved his arm to his waist so he’s hugging his back. He rested his chin on Kei’s shoulder and clasped both of his hands in front of the blond’s stomach. Tsukishima felt his warmth

His hands are already hurting because of pressing onto the strings. He followed the melody and pattern Kuroo showed just earlier and as he was playing, the other male hummed a tune unfamiliar to Kei. Maybe a new song. Once he’s repeated that same pattern twice, he let go immediately.

“Does it hurt?” Kuroo asked, looking at the other male’s fingers. There are red indents marked on his fair skin.

“Not really,”

Now that Tsukishima has seen it closer, he noticed that what was engraved on it wasn’t a signature but a short Latin saying in the corner.

_Noli illegitimi carborundum_

Tsukishima chuckled quietly.

Thank God for Latin classes.

“Wait, what’s funny?” Kuroo asked, furrowing his brows. Tsukishima only shook his head with a slight smile he could not contain. Pointing at the engraving on Kuroo’s guitar, he watched as the dark haired male’s mouth opened in an ‘O’ shape in realization. “You understand Latin?” he pointed.

“Yeah, I took it as an extra class last year,” he answered. He leaned towards Kuroo slightly so he can run his fingers along the carvings. It was rough and a bit spiky on the edges and it wasn’t that cleanly made but it looked beautiful, still. The cursive letters followed the ridges and curves of the guitar.

“I carved this myself three years ago,” Kuroo whispered. He grabbed Kei’s hands again, letting it strum the strings quietly. Glancing at Kuroo’s dark eyes, he found pride in the sad sparkle in his eyes. “It was my first year in college. I was in a band and I was studying Chemical Engineering at the same time,” he reminisced. Tsukishima hummed to let him know he was listening.

“My course took most of my time and gigs and open mic nights were almost always out of the question. So we disbanded. They went on their separate ways because from where I lived, there’s not much you could really do,” he chuckled, Tsukishima’s hands still held tightly by his. At this point, Kei did not mind. He’s just really curious now.

“So I quit college and decided to take a shot at Tokyo,” he said as if it wasn’t such a big deal. “I had to couch surf between Boks and Haj before, though,” he laughed. “It took me a while before I was able to actually get myself a stable place.” Tsukishima took note of the sad look in his eyes. “I traveled around and found myself a job and a place in this part of the city.”

“And I found you, too,” he said, glancing at Tsukishima who looked away and rolled his eyes. He shook his head and laughed. “I really can’t believe you. Do you hate me that much?” he hugged Tsukishima by the side where the blond tried to get rid of the sloth hanging on him.

“I don’t and that’s the problem,” he grumbled, untangling this rooster headed person’s limbs from his torso. When he said this, Kuroo looked at him with his eyebrow raised, his signature teasing smirk plastered on his face.

“You don’t hate me?” he asked to clarify, but the way he said it sounded like a statement more than a question. “So Tsukishima Kei-kun, doesn’t hate me?” he asked once more, getting Tsukishima more and more annoyed.

“I already said that I don’t. Don’t make me repeat myself one more time or else I’ll change my mind,” he rolled his eyes and placed Kuroo’s guitar on his bed.

“I know you won’t.”

Just as Kuroo’s arms tightened around Tsukishima’s torso, the blond haired male felt a slight vibration on his bed. The other male then let go to check his phone in which Kei took interest in how his eyes lit up almost immediately as he opened his notifications. It’s a bit weird, in his opinion, but who is he to complain?

“Tsukishima, I have to go,” he started as he grabbed his guitar and slung it on his shoulder. “I might not be able to pick you up tonight but I’ll send you the address, ‘kay?”

He didn’t even wait for Tsukishima’s answer but he did see a smile on his face while checking his phone on the way out. It left a weird taste in his mouth.

He sighed and took a sip of his coffee.

Ah.

It’s already cold.

* * *

Tsukishima isn’t really that surprised when he arrived in the small bar downtown and saw Bokuto-san and Tanaka-san already drunk out of their minds. Kei swears that they’ll ruin their liver at such an early age. They picked a place where there are partitions per seats, which Tsukishima liked, but the music was still loud and it annoyed him.

“Good evening,” he greeted to the group. There sits around the round table are Akaashi-san, Bokuto-san, Suga-san, Daichi-san, Kageyama, Hinata, and Yachi, all of them were invited by Kuroo just like him. Yamaguchi wasn’t able to go because he was in their hometown at that time. He noticed Iwaizumi-san from a month ago, making drinks in the cocktail area.

Well, the Kuroo in question still hasn’t arrived yet, though.

He sat down beside Kageyama despite not wanting to. He feels Kageyama’s blue eyes glare at him as if he did such horrible sin so he glared at him back with a teasing smile on his face. Well, he did slap him a few weeks ago but, nonetheless, that matter isn’t going to be brought up in this table unless the both of them would want to stay alive and safe from Suga-san’s wrath. Besides, Tsukishima did knock some sense into him to grow some balls so he should very well be thankful.

“Kageyama, Tsukki, is there something wrong?” Sugawara asked with a malicious look in his eyes. The younger males did give each other one last nasty look before noticeably scooting away from each other. Daichi only laughed and drank from his cup of what Tsukishima assumed is rum.

“Calm down, Koushi, you know how they are towards each other,” he assured his husband. Assured may not be the appropriate term, but it fits in some way.

“Oh, Tetsu’s here!” Bokuto pointed at the entrance. Kuroo walked in with a plain black shirt and white pants beside a smaller male with a red oversized shirt and black jeans. The person beside Kuroo had a blond hair with brown roots. They seem to be having a conversation despite the other male only looking at his phone.

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata called, waving his hands to get his attention. Kuroo turned to look at him and he waved back a bit. “Oh? He has someone with him? I thought Tsukishima and him are getting it on?” the tangerine asked, looking back and forth from Tsukishima and Kuroo.

Oh, how lucky is Hinata that Suga-san and Daichi-san are around.

With that single statement, the entire atmosphere of everyone changed. It seems weirdly, suffocating in a sense that it feels like they know something that Tsukishima does not know.

“Yo,” Kuroo greeted, doing a lose salute. Everyone’s attention turned to the new arrivals.

“You’re late, Kubroo,” Bokuto pointed out, dragging the last syllable. Akaashi pulled him down to sit properly while Bokuto continued to frown.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I kinda lost track of time when I picked him up,” he gestured to the person beside him.

“Oh? Hey! Hey! Hey!” almost as immediately as he became sad, a smile crept up his face and he waved violently at the stranger after his sudden change of mood.

When people think that Bokuto-san is moody, just wait ‘til they see him drunk.

“Hello,” he spoke softly, slightly hiding behind Kuroo.

“He’s Kozume Kenma,” he started. “I met him on one of my little trips in Osaka,” he added.

“Oooh, was it one of the trips were you go perform in random bars in different cities?” Hinata asked, his innocent eyes clearly showing his interest. Tsukishima watched as Kageyama looked at Hinata fondly. No matter how much he’s repulsed by them, he’s really glad they got both their shit together.

“Yeah,” Kuroo said sitting directly in front of Tsukishima and Kenma-san sat beside Kei though as much as he hates it, he could not really complain.

“Oh and by the way,” Suga exclaimed, passing Kuroo and Kenma an empty glass with ice and Tsukishima a glass filled with two fingers of whiskey. “I’m Sugawara,” he introduced himself. “And this is Daichi, Bokuto-san, Akaashi-kun, Yachi-chan, and Tsukishima-kun,” he said, gesturing to everyone sitting on around the table. Kei kept his head down, staring at the glistening ice melting on his alcoholic drink.

“Nice to meet you,” he greeted and gave them a polite nod.

“What would you like to drink?” Kuroo asked and Tsukishima stupidly looked up. He saw Kuroo looking just right beside him, right at the pretty blond with brown roots.

“Anything is fine,” he answered.

As stupid as it sounds, Tsukishima felt a bit off so he grabbed the glass of whiskey and twirled the liquid inside with his left hand and the other flipped through his phone. The others continued their conversation and chatted about their week while Tsukishima looked for ways to get himself out of this situation as soon as possible without it looking suspicious.

“You seem like you also don’t want to be here,” Kenma whispered without looking away from his phone. Tsukishima peaked at what he was playing and noticed that he was just about to lose at his game. Well, it isn’t exactly a whisper but it did sound very soft compared to the blaring music.

“What makes you think so?” he asked taking a sip from his glass.

“You’ve been scrolling through your ig feed for a couple minutes straight and you’re not even looking at the pictures.” Well, he is (technically) right. “And besides, Kuroo mentioned once that there’s this dude like me that really hates going to public places and I just assumed it was you,” he shrugged, placing his phone in his pocket when he was defeated by the monster.

“Oh, he did?”

“He’s very talkative,” he chuckled, looking at the dark haired male joking around with Bokuto.

There was something about the way Kenma looked at Kuroo that made him feel so many things he can’t understand. It frustrates that could not bring to words or to even make any sense what he is feeling so he downed the alcoholic beverage in his glass and slightly winced as the bitter liquid burns his throat.

His eyes widened as he felt something touch his leg. He sneaked a peak down the table and he saw Kuroo’s foot running up and down his leg, occasionally lifting his pant leg up.

“Yeah, he is,” Kei answered after he had chased it with soda. “So, you met him in one of his spontaneous trips?” Tsukishima asked in an attempt to be polite. He didn’t want to be rude and a shut-in so he at least tried to continue the conversation but whatever Kuroo’s doing from underneath is distracting him. He looked at Kuroo and noticed his ruddy cheeks immediately. He was drunk off his mind.

The dark haired male noticed the glare Tsukishima is giving him and he gave him a passing wink before resuming his conversation with Bokuto.

“Uh-huh, we met in a bus,” he answered shortly, taking a drink of his own. “It’s kinda comedic how it happened, actually,” he chuckled.

“Knowing Kuroo, it really would be,” Tsukishima said in attempt to ignore Kuroo. He kicked his foot once and stomped on it a couple of times and yet the brown haired male still didn’t stop.

Well, he is that persistent.

Until he stopped.

Not that Tsukishima is complaining but when Kuroo stopped he glanced at him in confusion and noticed that he was staring right beside him, right at the pretty blond with brown roots, playing the same game on his phone. The overwhelming urge to tell everyone that Kuroo is his and that Kenma should fuck off blurred his vision and made it very difficult to breathe.

Tsukishima blamed the fucking whiskey.

“I’m gonna go,” Tsukishima spoke up, almost unsure of himself.

“I- I have morning classes tomorrow,” he added as he stood up, gathered his things and walked away from their table.

“Hey, do you want me to walk you out?” Suga asked, standing up as well. Of course, he’s the big brother of everyone, after all. But this time, Tsukishima wanted to be alone. He needs to gather all his thoughts and feelings because every single day he’s getting more and more confused that the tightness in his chest is getting unbearable.

“No, no thanks. Please enjoy the night,” he refused him, shaking his head before turning away. He didn’t know what the actual fuck is going on but he had to get out. He had to leave those four walls or he’ll fucking scream.

The moment he got on the empty street across the bar, he felt relieved. He sighed and slipped his hands in his pockets. It’s already cold and he’s not very fond of the cold.]

“Tsukki,” a deep familiar voice spoke from behind him. Tsukishima closed his eyes to ease the headache and also to calm himself and keep his composure in check. “Wait, for a bit,”

Tsukishima turned around to look at Kuroo. He kept a straight face and waited for him to catch up to him. “What is it?” he asked.

“Well, I was going on another trip tomorrow for a week and I wasn’t able to tell you there,” he said. “I didn’t want to leave without letting you know.” He ran his hand through his hair.

“Okay,” Tsukishima answered shortly. “Now you’ve told me, you can go back now,”

Kuroo’s brow’s furrowed and he frowned. It is very clear to Tsukishima that Kuroo is drunk and that he himself is already tipsy. He wouldn’t want another happenstance that would lead him to a rabbit hole of confusion so he kept his distance from him.

“Are you mad?” Kuroo asked, slurring his words slightly.

“No, no I am not,”

Yes, yes he is.

But Kuroo seemed to not even question it. Well, he doesn’t really have to since they weren’t really anything. Or were they something?

It hurts so bad when you don’t know.

* * *

Tsukishima’s classes had just ended for the day and his head was pounding. He was waist deep in projects and lessons and he’s now very confused. It was pretty late already and the sky is already orange. A lot of things have been heavy on his mind and he can’t seem to stop thinking about things that could easily be shrugged off as his paranoia.

But, it’s getting quite clear to Tsukishima that it isn’t just his paranoia.

Yamaguchi contacted Tsukishima the morning of that day telling him that Sugawara-san asked to meet with him after his classes in a nearby coffee shop. His friend told him no other context other than the fact that it was important, “as Suga-san said.” He’s already running late, though, because he had to submit a couple of requirements before he was able to leave.

He was speed walking by the time the coffee shop was already within his sight. Oh, how much he hopes he wouldn’t get an earful from Suga-san.

He pushed open the glass door and the bell rang. He immediately spotted he gray haired male sitting near the windows. Sugawara gave him a wave and a small smile that made Tsukishima’s stomach churn. He feels as though he would bring him horrible news. “Suga-san, I’m sorry I’m a bit late. I had to finish a few things,” he said as he sat down on the seat.

“No, it’s alright. I arrived a bit late, too. I really thought you would be here quicker than me,” he gave him a polite smile. “Daichi and I finished the deliveries to Bokuto and Akaashi-kun later than expected. We had a bit of chat,” he laughed, scratching his head.

“Oh, right, Akaashi-san mentioned they were planning to add more flowers in their garden,” Tsukishima added in which Suga san nodded.

“They’re really good for each other, right Tsukki?” he asked with a mysterious look in his eyes. He can’t pinpoint what was weird but everything about this felt off. Suga-san likes to have gatherings but he would rarely make plans spontaneously like this.

“They’re really wonderful for each other,” he said. “I already ordered for the both of us, by the way. It’s my treat,” he gave Tsukishima a reassuring smile.

“Oh, that’s not necessary,”

“No, it’s fine. It’s going to be my treat because I barely even see you around,” he cut him off immediately. Tsukishima only nodded and whispered a quiet thank you to him.

“So, what would you want to talk about?” the taller male asked. He noticed the way Suga-san’s eyes darted around for a bit before looking back at him. Tsukishima furrowed his brows a little bit.

“Let’s wait for our orders,” Sugawara said with a close-eyed smile. “So, while waiting, how did finals go?” he asked in a desperate attempt to change the subject. Tsukishima knew Suga-san did not like to waste precious time so everything about this is suspicious.

“But Yamaguchi told me that it was very important,” he countered as he watched as Sugawara’s eyes slightly widen before he gained his composure. The older male fixed his posture and looked outside the window as if looking for a way to answer Tsukishima. “Important enough that you wanted to meet up with me as soon as possible,”

He sighed and pursed his lips. “Okay,” he said.

“I don’t know how to word this correctly,” he trailed off and scratched the back of his head. Tsukishima furrowed his brows and looked at Sugawara weirdly. “But,” he paused.

“What’s going on between you and Kuroo?”

Kei blinked at him. His brain went blank the moment those words came out of Sugawara’s mouth. He opened his mouth to speak. “Good evening,” a waitress said as she came with a tray containing their orders. Tsukishima was glad that he was able to have a bit more time to think.

She laid down an iced Frappuccino in front of Tsukishima and an espresso for Sugawara. They both mumbled their ‘thank you’s as the waitress left.

Tsukishima stared at the cold beverage in front of him, watching the condensation drip down the shiny light beige table as he thought about Suga’s question. He felt horrible about making Suga wait because it will make him conclude things that even Kei is afraid to admit.

“So,” Suga spoke up.

“I,” Tsukishima started, his eyes trained on the cold drink. Looking up, he was met with understanding gray eyes of his senior and his long-time friend. And maybe at that time, his walls broke a just a little.

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “I mean we kissed and shit. And he and I were tipsy and a bit drunk but,” he stopped as he watched as his senpai sigh and his eyes soften. “But we were drunk that night but he went over once he was sober and told me he meant whatever that happened and,” he paused as he quickly realized how stupid everything about this is.

“But, the question is, do you love him?”

Tsukishima kept silent.

“I see. So, there wasn’t anything he said about it? About what’s going on with the two of you?” Suga asked once more. Kei felt more and more guilty as he realized the level of confusion he is in right now.

“No, no he didn’t and I didn’t really bring it up. Besides, he’s always gone and I’m busy with college and I don’t know, I was too scared to ask, I guess,” Tsukishima rambled. He didn’t like how he couldn’t even make comprehensive sentences.

“About that,” Sugawara started, stirring his espresso with a small spoon. “Akaashi told me something,”

For some reason, Tsukishima felt as though everything about this is going to go wrong. The guilty look in Sugawara’s eyes tells everything but at the same time it does not fully explain Kei’s suspicions. “Well, Akaashi told me something that Bokuto told him,”

“What is it Suga-san?”

He sighed and looked at him with sorry eyes. “I’m so sorry you have to hear this from me,” he told him while playing with the cup of the already cooling espresso. “But Kuroo isn’t in his usual trips to go look for places to perform,” he admitted.

Sugawara watched Tsukishima’s face grow more and more confused. He hated letting his confused friend to hear this from him instead of Kuroo himself. “He’s with Kenma in Ichikawa for the entire weekend he said he would be gone,”

Kei kept a straight face and Suga felt afraid. He’s not the type of person to show much or any emotions at all and he tends to hide everything and keep it to himself. He knew he should’ve at least gotten Yamaguchi to back him up.

“So Bokuto told Akaashi and Akaashi told you?” Tsukishima clarified.

“Yeah. I mentioned it to Daichi and Yamaguchi,” he answered which means Yamaguchi would have probably mentioned it to Hinata and he would’ve mentioned it to his boyfriend, Kageyama.

“Oh, okay,” was all Tsukishima answered before he stood up from his seat. So, everyone knew what was happening except for him.

“Tsukki,” Sugawara called. “I don’t fully understand the situation but, for all it’s worth, he’ll be having a gig at Crystal Bar Ichikawa tonight,” he said. He didn’t know what exactly is going on inside his head but he believed that letting him know Kuroo’s location could at least give him some clarity.

“I’m going to go now,” Kei said. Sugawara nodded as he stood up as well, collecting his things on his seat.

“I’ll walk you home?”

“No, it’s alright.” He shook his head.

Sugawara pursed his lips and patted the teller male’s shoulder that he treated like his younger brother. “Call me anytime,”

Kei only nodded and then they left the café with both their drinks untouched.

* * *

_This is so stupid, this is so stupid, this is so stupid_

Tsukishima repeated to himself as he hopped on a train on the way to Ichikawa.

_This is so stupid, this is so stupid, this is so stupid_

Tsukishima scolded himself as he walked around the crowded city of Ichikawa, looking for the Crystal Bar.

_This is so stupid, this is so stupid, this is so stupid_

Tsukishima realized as he stood in front of the big glowing neon red letters that says ‘Ichikawa’s Crystal Bar’

Walking into the dark bar feels a bit stuffy. Of course, he’s in an entirely different city he’s very much unfamiliar with. The amount of people gathered here is astonishing. Kei stands out very much because of his height so he decides to stay at the farthest corner of the room as to not limit the viewing experiences of people behind him.

For some reason, Tsukishima felt like absolute shit.

He stood there, preparing his guitar and looking around. He seems to be looking for someone. Finally, the spotlight shone at him and he adjusted the mic a bit. He seems nervous to Tsukishima’s eyes. After all, there are significantly a lot more people here.

His presence on the stage is like speaking up in a crowded room and saying, “Please listen to me, I want to tell you something,”

It was humble and yearning, in a sense that it feels as though it’s looking for a sense of belonging in a world where no one actually fits in. The song is slow, the plucking of the strings of the guitar gave off a calm vibe.

**_“Track suits and red wine_ **

**_Movies for two_ **

Tsukishima stood there in absolute awe. Everyone was silent, staring at the longing love song being sung in front of them, the spotlight rightfully directed at him. The lights danced along with the slow song, lights momentarily blinding the tall blond.

_**We’ll take off our phones** _

_**And we’ll turn off our shoes** _

At that moment, Tsukishima felt everything hit him at once. Things that happened, the events that took place, the awe he felt listening to his love song, that kiss in front of his door and the taste of vodka from his lips. Those marigolds at 1 in the morning, the quiet strum of his fingers on Kuroo’s guitar, and that cup of coffee after finals. Everything, everything hit him.

**_We’ll play Nintendo_ **

**_Though I always lose_ **

**_‘Cause you watch the T.V_ **

**_While I’m watching you._ **

But, Tsukishima is not stupid. And he’s not stupid enough like a love-struck teenager in those coming of age movies to think that this song is meant for him. After all, Kuroo doesn’t even know he’s here.

_**There’s not many people** _

_**I’d honestly say** _

_**I don’t mind losing to** _

Because never once did Kuroo removed his glance at him, hell, he didn’t even look away from those blond locks with brown roots. He’s glancing at him just like how he glanced at Tsukishima that open mic night. He knows the lyrics to the song does not apply to him either. He understands that very well.

_**But there’s nothing** _

_**Like doing nothing** _

Kenma must be so lucky.

_**With you”** _

Well, he knows that he has no more business to be here so he turned around and exited the building, the glowing red letters above the door making him want to turn back and run to the stage and proclaim his love for him.

But that would be stupid, wouldn’t it?

Besides, Tsukishima is not stupid.

He’s not that stupid because he silently walked on the road to the train stop.

He’s not that stupid to miss the last train home.

He’s not that stupid to cry his eyes out on the gravel road.

But he’s stupid enough to replay that moment when he turned around and take one more look at the pair. Kuroo has now placed his guitar down and is walking down the stage. You can see clearly the anticipation on everyone’s face, especially Kenma’s.

He sang with a smile on his face and to Tsukishima, it feels oddly…nostalgic.

Kuroo reached out for Kenma to grab his hand and of course, though hesitantly, Kenma grabbed his hand and he pulled him in what seems like a kiss. But Tsukishima would not know. Because he turned around and walked the fuck away.

The walk back to his dorm seems oddly…peaceful. And quiet. And lonely. But he shouldn’t be complaining, should he? The quiet should be nice. It’s great to have the moon and the cool breeze as company.

Right?

No one to bother him, asking how his day was, asking if he was free and if he would want to grab a drink or two.

No one walking beside him in the dead of night where the shadows are his only company, no one humming a tune alongside him, kicking pebbles on the ground with his hands in his pockets.

No one.

When he arrived in his dorm, he grabbed his earphones and his phone in an attempt to drown out the music from the other room. Putting it up in the highest volume, he pressed shuffle.

**_“Let’s go back to the summer night,_ **

**_When we met eyes, it’s like a movie line_ **

The sound of Kuroo’s calming voice filled his ears and damn, was he so tempted to throw his headphones across the room. It’s like the universe is toying with him and mocking him.

_**Kissin’ underneath the city lights** _

_**But now you’re laying in another guy’s arms** _

He remembers that he still has not deleted this draft that Kuroo sent him. It was raw and it was wonderful. The cracks in his voice just made it much more soulful and the strumming of the guitar is so soothing to the ears that he wants to retch.

**_‘Cause I’m all gone_ **

The irony is so sad it’s funny.

_**But when you look in his eyes** _

_**Do you think of mine?** _

_**And when you look at that smile** _

_**Do I cross your mind?** _

The guitar accompaniment went from strumming to plucking. The sound of the strings is perfectly in sync with his voice. The feeling of that same guitar in Tsukishima’s arms and Kuroo’s arms around his waist, his chin on his shoulder, listening to how he tried to play the short tune Kuroo taught him.

**_I know in your head, you see me instead_ **

**_‘Cause he looks a lot like I did back then,_ **

**_Baby don’t lie_ **

**_He’s just a lookalike.”_ **

After everything had hit him hard,

He felt nothing.

He bit the inside of his cheeks until he tasted metal.

Stupid, Kei and these stupid feelings listening to these stupid love songs.

He turned off his phone and placed it on his desk. And for the first time, he’s thankful for the sappy indie songs blasting from the other room.

**Marigolds**

-Jealousy

SONGS:

Crush Culture- Conan Gray

A Line Without a Hook- Rick Montgomery

Nothing- Bruno Major

Lookalike- Conan Gray

**Author's Note:**

> posting the rest of the series today because i will be busy soon because of school. also, i posted the playlists in a twitter account i just made so if anyone is interested, i will be linking it once it's done. love you all!!
> 
> visit @cromij1 in twitter for the playlist and it's somewhere in my pinned if i dont have a different story pinned!  
> or maybe click [this](https://twitter.com/cromij1/status/1348407665152520195?s=20) to lead you to the thread/pinned tweet of my stories and playlists


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